So… I haven’t blogged in a while. Say, about a year. You know, I’ve been busy. I renovated most of house. I built a bridge in our backyard. Mostly, I kept 2 tiny humans alive EVERYDAY. That’s something. But, it’s the New Year and it’s time to start again. So, here I am, starting again.
Now, let’s be clear, I’m not committing to be consistent or anything. That’s way too much pressure at this stage of life. Heck, I’m doing well to brush my hair. No, instead, I’m just… trying this outlet again. The outlet where I can record the unbelievable & precious & horrifying moments of these days. Memories like… my kids are gross.
Cause’ they kind of are. Not kind of. They REALLY are. I mean, I love them in all their grossness, but I kind of wished someone would have prepped me for this. I was
mostly totally in the dark about oh so many kid-secrets before birthing these beautiful humans. I mean, I knew about diapers. I hadn’t EXPERIENCED that many diapers, but I knew about them. What I didn’t know was…
- How far infant boys can projectile pee. Seriously, it’s impressive! I once saw a little boy shoot liquid off the changing table and hit a lamp shade on the other side of the room. I kid (haha) you not.
- Where their snot goes when they have a runny nose. As in… everywhere. Namely, their shirt and your clothes. And my hair. How does it get in my hair? And my mouth. Because I forget they have a runny nose and I’m not always focused with 2 eyes on the child in front of me and your child never wants to kiss you more than when they have a runny nose.
- How much you will be thrown up on. More than carpet at a frat house, people.
- The disgustingness of potty training. SERIOUSLY. I hate potty training. There are oh so many ways this goes wrong until it finally goes right, no matter your method.
- How easily a toilet can overflow with toilet paper or toilet paper rolls or toilet paper still on the roll.
- The hurricane that is left behind in EVERY room unless I’m hovering like a drone. WHHHHYYY?
- The sheer joy they get in eating their own boogers.
- The lack of self preservation in relation to toilet water. I think they’d drink the stuff if I’d let them. Shudder.
- How long it really takes for a child to realize poop in dirty. I will leave it at that.
- How much food ends up on the floor. And the walls. And between the slats on the backs of their chairs. And all over them. Did any actually make it down that tiny throat?
I mean, let’s face it, it’s almost impossible to keep a super clean house when you have littles. I know there are people out there that do it, but I don’t relate. Before I had kids, I would clean the house and it would STAY clean… for days! I could leave the house or take a nap or, I don’t know, BLINK and it would STILL be clean. Now, as soon as I get one area clean, they’ve managed to move onto the next and no number of cleanup songs can truly fix the fact that THEY’RE KIDS and kids will be kids. And I want them to be kids. Right? I think. Sometimes. Until there’s ketchup on the walls. It’s then that I reconsider. I could put a straight jacket on them.
I may or may not have thought of that.
Older, wiser women tell me to cherish these days and that I’ll be sad one day and miss these moments. And I believe them about some amount of my day. But I’m 100% convinced that they’ve forgotten the poop and the toilet water and the snotty kisses. Or maybe they haven’t and that’s just… weird. I don’t think I will ever feel nostalgic about my child taking their diaper off and THEN peeing on the floor… four times… in one day.
But hey, maybe I’m wrong.